Thursday, February 7

Grateful For #36: Perspective

Perspective for me is sorta the other side of the coin from looking at the positives. It's remembering that it could be worse.

On the days when my breathing was so bad I couldn't hardly move around the house (literally, not figuratively) "It could be worse" became my moto. I would remind myself that I could not be able to walk around because I didn't have legs. At least once we figured the breathing out I would be able to walk again without issues. I would remind myself I could have stage four lung cancer causing the breathing problems. I would remind myself I could have depression and no desire to move. Putting things in perspective can really change the 'poor me' feeling around.

I did the same with each boy when health got scary. They originally thought Trace had Maple Syrup Urine Disease (a very unpleasant prognosis, my heart goes out to any family dealing with that condition). So my mantra became... It could be worse, he could really have had Maple Syrup Urine disease.

Tristian was worse. Harder, maybe because I hadn't been so sick yet. My perspective wasn't there. They knew he didn't have Cystic Fibrosis (the original concern from the first metabolic blood screening, just like Trace's said MSUD) but they didn't know what it was really. I will admit I was a wreck dealing with Tristian being sick. I tried to hide it as best I could, but it was in all ways more stressful then when I myself was sick. It's harder to watch you baby struggle then struggle yourself. Something every parent learns, I'm sure.

At one point before we realized Tris was allergic to gluten one of his lungs collapsed. This was at the same time as we were in the middle of the testing on Trace's kidneys (I think it was literally just days after being told he did not have MSUD) and I was still dealing with 50% lung function. A friend and I had a play date at the library and she asked how I dealt with the kids and I being sick and not seem to be depressed or insane over it. I looked at her and told her in all honesty that when I was dealing with my worst cases of 'why us?' I would go to my desk and write a check to St. Judes for however much we could spare at the time and thank God we weren't there with our kids.

That may seem insensitive, the whole idea may seem insensitive behind perspective. But I don't see it that way, I see it as the opposite. I'm not saying I'm glad it's another person or family is dealing with something worse. I'm only saying that reminding myself it could be worse, being sensitive (if you will) to the fact that others do deal with worse, can help make whatever you are dealing with not seem so bad.

Thank you God for perspective.

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