Sunday, February 3

When Did You Stop Checking Their Breathing?

I was watching Rosanne reruns and there's a part where she says to the over-protective mom next door something along the lines of, "I bet you still check his breathing at night." The mom agreed and Rosanne shoots back, "Amateur!"

The first time Tris stopped breathing he was 6 months old and I had gotten up in the middle of the night to check on him. It was the last time he ever slept in his crib at night, after that we coslept. You might say we stumbled onto attachment parenting through a rather drastic live and learn scenario. Tristian lived, and we learned what we were too terrified not to do- like cosleeping. Nothing will shake my conviction that Trace is so much healthier then Tris because I did attachment from the start with Trace.

I'm know I'm a bit over protective. My children do not take baths unattended (not even the 5.5 year old) they do not play outside out of my sight, ever.... and yes, I still check their breathing at night. Several times a night, actually.

I checked it right before I sat down to draft this post and will check it again when I'm done, and probably again before I go to sleep. Undoubtedly I will wake up a few times during the night for one child and check the other out of habit. Maybe that's a little over the top. But when you've experienced putting your hand in front of your child's face and NOT felt that reassuring warm breath on your palm... well it changes the feeling of checking the breathing forever from one of, "I know I'm being a little over worried but it makes me feel better." to "Please God, let him be breathing." That becomes your habitual prayer offered up to God every time you reach out to check..... just in case.... again. Eventually you hardly notice the words running through your head, "Please God, let him be breathing."  It's part of the habit.

I'm sure eventually I will stop. We haven't been in the er for Tristian's breathing for more then a year. It almost seems odd that's it's been that long. He doesn't turn blue when he's running around anymore. No more nebulizers in the middle of family get togethers. Perhaps best of all, there is always that reassuring warm breath on my hand when I check.

Thank you God, he's breathing.

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